The Stress- & Burnout Survival Guide
CHAPTER 5
What can I do?
Learn how to regulate your Nervous System
Congratulations. You noticed and became aware that there is a problem. This is a crucial first step.
You are thinking that something should be done, but you are not sure what, or how.
I can help you.
Whether you are in 'Surviving', 'Struggling' or 'In Crisis' mode, you need to address the issues behind your stress.
If you are in a crisis or burnout state, some methods might be more or less appropriate for you than if you have not reach that stage yet. I usually work with each client individually to create a plan tailored to their needs and to their challenges.
Below are some suggestions based on the six pillars of my nervous system regulation model.
I am not including specific triggers in your life or at work that may be causing some of your stress. In rare cases, a simple identification and elimination of the trigger is enough. But most often, the trigger is only part of a more complex story.
Remember that what works for one person may not work for another. And there is no 'magic pill', unfortunately, that will make everyone suddenly feel better. It is about trying things out, experimenting, and being willing to ask some hard questions of one's self.
Your life history
What I mean here are factors such as your genes, early life, upbringing, nervous system sensitivity, personality traits and ego.
You may be wondering why this is relevant, especially if you are not yet in a Burnout.
I have yet to meet one client whose chronic stress is not connected to something in their past. For some, it is a traumatic experience. For others, it might simply be how certain beliefs originated.
If you are chronically stressed, you have to be willing to look inside, at your mindset and identity. If you do not, and if you are hoping for a quick easy method to make everything right, you will only repeat the same patterns over and over, until you reach Burnout.
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Address your life history and challenges with therapy or coaching. There are many types of therapies and it can be confusing. I can help you understand which type might be a good fit for you if you decide to go this route instead of coaching.
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Learn about yourself and your stress reaction and learn to identify your triggers. It is difficult to change our relationship to stress if we do not understand ourselves and how stress works.
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Deal with stored and subconscious memories of pain, pressure, anxiety, trauma...There are different methods to do this.
Emotional flexibility
Feeling very stressed and/or being chronically stressed is normally not something that you can solve only cognitively.
Changing the situation requires learning about our emotions, limiting beliefs, inner parts, intuition and feelings.
For people who tend to be very cognitive at work and in their lives, this area is usually not on their radar. It might even sound too abstract, superficial or unnecessary.
And yet, I have it in second position in my model because all healing and transformation starts with self-awareness: understanding who we are, how we feel and why we feel a certain way.
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Learn about your emotions and how to manage them. Managing does not mean ignoring or rejecting. It means learning to make space for all emotions and understanding the signals from our body. I provide various tools to teach self-awareness and self-regulation.
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Learn about your limiting beliefs. Every single one of my clients has clear beliefs that lie behind their stress response. These beliefs are automatic and subconscious. They define the identity of the person, for better and for worse. Identification and management of these beliefs is crucial for personal transformation.
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Cultivate Mindfulness of awareness and being. Learn acceptance, letting go, focus and presence.
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Practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is not always intuitive for many. Yet, it is one of the most powerful tool there is to heal. It is not weakness. It is the opposite of weakness.
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positive thinking, resilience, stress and burnout
Cognitive flexibility
Cognitive flexibility is the ability to recognise and intercept thought patterns, biases and distortions and to accept them. And sometimes, to redirect in a new direction.
Cognitive flexibility is important for chronic stress management because it helps to recognize and manage the thought processes behind our stress reaction.
'I will never be able to do this'
'This person only wants the worst for me'
'Here we go again, I will never be free from...'
These are just three examples of negative thoughts that people can become 'fused' with (over-identification), resulting in a stress response that may be or not be grounded in reality.
To lower your stress levels:
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Practice awareness of your mindset. This is connected to your lifestory and to your emotional flexibility. Learn about yourself and what makes you tick. Which negative thoughts are you prone to? Where do they come from?
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Practice diffusing your thoughts. This means learning to understand that you are not your thoughts and that being an observer of your own thoughts lowers the stress response.
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Practice a stress positive mindset. How do I reframe a stress situation in a way that does not necessarily focus on the negative?
I can help you with different tools and methods to train all three points.
Physiological health
The body and the mind are interconnected. To the point that it might not even make sense anymore to differentiate between the two.
Signals are constantly being sent across your body, in all directions. The brain, while responsible for many things, is not the boss. Is it only one player in an overall system of perfection that relies on each cell in your body having the power to create positive and negative change.
Yes, we send stress signals form the brain to the rest of the body. But the body is also constantly sending stress signals to the brain and to other parts of the body. Your mitochondria is sending signals to your brain, the bacteria in your gut is sending signals to your brain, as are your hormones.
Thus, it is crucial, in order to lower stress, to address physiological and physical issues. How is your gut health? Are your hormones functioning well? What about your vagus nerve (the most important nerve in your body for stress signalling and for several other functions)? Have you considered whether it is doing its job well or if years of stress have affected it? Or perhaps you have allergies or deficiencies that are putting stress on your entire being...
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Learn how to breathe properly. Yes, we all 'know' how to breathe because we do it all day. But, unless you are a baby, chances are high that you have forgotten how to really breathe properly. Proper breathing calms the nervous system, and regulates mood and many other functions.
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Tone your vagus nerve. This may sound strange to many people, but the vagus nerve is crucial for stress management and for overall health.
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Use selected vitamins and supplements. This can be controversial, but in some cases they can be helpful to bring the body and mind back into shape. Magnesium, Vitamin D (a hormone), and probiotics are just some examples of useful supplements that can help with stress.
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Move and let your energy flow. Energy is life. Under chronic stress, our energy no longer flows properly or it flows incorrectly. There are practices and methods to ensure that you use your energy properly.
I can teach you methods for better breathing, vagus nerve toning and energy flow.
Lifestyle health
Most coaches and resources on stress and health tend to focus on lifestyle. And for good reasons. Lifestyle changes can have a profound impact on your health and on your stress levels.
Your sleep hygiene, your nutrition (and blood sugar regulation), you ability to relax and create proper downtime, your overall approach to life and lifestyle, all play a major role in regulating your nervous system and lowering your sensitivity to stress triggers.
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Learn how to properly rest and take care of your self. So many people have forgotten the art of relaxing. Even while supposedly relaxing, they are still 'on'. Learn methods to truly switch off, take holidays, get massages, get sunlight, play, laugh, engage in hobbies...
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Release your negative stress. Don't let it build up. There are methods to release negative stress in a healthy way (in addition to more traditional ways such as exercise).
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Simplify your life. Learn to prioritize, to say no, to trim your calendar, your finances...Reduce clutter, reduce to-dos, reduce what is pulling your attention in too many different directions. And do a digital and news detox.
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Eat, drink and sleep well. This one is obvious because we are bombarded with information on these topics. Still, they are crucial. Most people with chronic stress issues do not sleep well. What came first? The stress or the bad sleep? It does not matter. It is unlikely that you will lower your stress levels if you do not find a way to sleep better. Also, good nutrition helps on many different levels. It supplies the vitamins and minerals that we need, it keeps our gut healthy, it impacts hormones and neurotransmitters and it regulates blood sugar. If unregulated, blood sugar can create a very powerful negative stress environment in the body and mind.
As a health coach, I can provide you with many tips on on how to increase your lifestyle health.
Spiritual health
The last pillar in my nervous system regulation model is spiritual health.
What do I mean by spiritual health?
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Your sense of purpose. Do you have one? Are you finding meaning in your life or in your work? Are you being your authentic self or have you hidden it to make room for the wrong priorities? Are you practicing gratefulness?
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Your feeling of being connected and belonging. Our nervous system feels threatened when we do not have a sense of safety. This sense of safety can come from different places, but one of the most important one is a sense of feeling connected. It can be to the divine (whatever this may mean to you), to friends, to family, to nature, or even to a pet. It does not matter to whom or to what you feel connected, as long as you do. A sense of connection is a powerful antidote to stress.
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Your values. We tend to fuse our identity with our thoughts and beliefs. But thoughts and beliefs are notoriously unreliable and fickle. Values, on the other hand, remain steady (but can also sometimes change). They are the lighthouse that shines in the storm. Define your values and live your life through them in order to reduce the stress in your life.
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Your acceptance of life’s experiences. Some of my clients are constantly fighting against everything that life throws at them. Acceptance does not mean becoming passive. It means learning how to tell the difference between something that you can control and something that you can not.
Two of the methods that I use in my coaching are Polyvagal Theory and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Both of these are extremely helpful to build spiritual health.
Get help from a professional
If you are starting to feel unwell, do not wait. Speak to a professional.
This could be a doctor, a therapist or a coach like me.
Doctors and traditional medicine practitioners can help you exclude certain illnesses and conditions. This may help alleviate anxiety around specific symptoms.
Therapists are very useful to help you explore and understand your history and traumas. There are all kinds of therapists, from 'traditional' Psychoanalysis to more 'modern' Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (my methods are greatly influenced by these last two).
There are also many other types of therapists, from Hypnotherapy to Somatic therapy. Each has a place and provides benefits, depending on your personal challenge.
I can help you make sense of the different types of therapies that exist and can guide you towards the best solution for you.
Finally, there are coaches like me. Each coach has his or her own style and methods. As with a therapist, you have to find the one who is a good fit for you. Coaches tend to work with more 'interactive' methods and will, normally, be more direct in their approach and communication with you. Coaches usually try to help you find practical solutions.
