Three key steps to help you manage your chronic stress and life/work crisis.
Each coach or therapist has his or her own framework to help their clients feel better.
Today, I would like to share mine.
I developed and re-worked this framework after working with dozens of clients and after testing it on myself for the past few years. It is therefore based on direct experience, but also on various existing modalities and framework that I use in my work, such as:
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (specifically the work of Dr Steven Hayes and Dr Russ Harris)
Cognitive and Behaviour Therapy
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Brain re-training by Gupta and DNRS
Regardless of your personal history or symptoms, I find that all three steps tend to apply to almost everyone.
The three steps to help you manage your chronic stress and life/work crisis are:
Relax your nervous system (be present)
Enhance your mindset (open up)
Find your life compass (do what matters)
1. Relax your nervous system
The first and most important thing is to relax the nervous system. If you are suffering from prolonged high and/or chronic stress, it means that you have shifted the baseline of your nervous system. What I mean by this is that, through repeated exposure to high levels of stress, you have lowered the level at which you can be triggered and at which you start to experience various symptoms. It now takes a lot less stimulation for your nervous system to be activated. And because it takes a lot less for you to be triggered, you now find yourself in a negative loop of constant over-activation.
Therefore, it is crucial to put a stop to this cascading effect and to stabilise your baseline long enough before you can begin to move upwards again and regain resilience.
How do you do this?
Remove triggers whenever possible
Learn relaxation methods such as meditation, breathing, gratitude journaling...
Enhance your physical, physiological, lifestyle and spiritual health. This includes many different points, ranging from your nutrition to your ability to feel connected to others
Learn self-compassion, one of the most powerful tools to help you deal with challenges
2. Enhance your mindset
If your stress is brief and occasional, then relaxing your nervous system might be enough. However, for 90% of my clients, it is not enough. For most people who really suffer from intense and/or chronic stress, the reasons lie beyond just a simple trigger than can be removed easily, or beyond a simple switch in nutrition or sleeping patterns. The reasons lie within, deep inside each person, in the realm of beliefs, emotions and thought patterns.
I train my clients in what I call ‘Cognitive and emotional Ju-jitsu’, also known as psychological flexibility. This is the ability to notice one’s mindset, to distinguish between helpful and non-helpful cognitions and emotions, and to re-direct the attention in a way that supports goals and values. Without this flexibility, you are like a ship without sail or engine in the midst of a storm. You are constantly moved left and right without the ability to truly control your choices.
3. Find your life compass
Finding your life compass means doing what matters to you. It means living into your values and being the person that you truly want to be.
In my experience, this topic becomes increasingly important with age. That is not to say that we are not interested in having a life compass when we are younger, and many people do have a clear compass even at the beginning of their career. But what I see in most of my clients is that, after several years, they begin to ask themselves if their work is truly aligned to their values and to their authentic self. This questioning often first takes place subconsciously, leading to stress and lack of satisfaction at work. There is also often a lack of clarity around values and what their authentic self looks like.
Therefore, it is crucial to address these topics and gain clarity around what matters to us the most. This helps bring stability and reduces stress drastically.
If you are suffering from chronic stress, do not make the mistake of thinking that removing one or two triggers or that taking a holiday will be enough. To end the cycle of chronic stress, one needs to learn to be psychologically flexible and to find out what matters most to them.
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